Nicknames are a BIG thing in our family. Mostly because of Christina, who gives just about everyone a nickname.
Suckass, Sasshole, The Boy Wonder / The Terrorist and the Neighborhood Spanker are the main nicknames in our family.
I am leaving out the dog because he has so many names I can’t keep track. Plus, there seem to be new ones daily. I tend to stick with TJ or ‘asshole’ because he pees in our family room daily. In his defense, and the only reason he is still living, TJ suffers from pretty bad seizures and he just forgets where he is sometimes.
However, like with TJ the dog, Chris doesn’t stop with just one nickname, she will give you a TON of nicknames.
This isn’t a big deal but for some reason, when Chris gives you a nickname, it tends to stick.
Here are the nicknames for The Boy, courtesy of Chris, that she uses daily:
- The Boy Wonder
- The Terrorist
- Noodle
- Poodle
- Doodley butt – don’t ask, I have NO idea, or maybe it is noodley butt or both…
One of the worst nicknames, and one that has 100% stuck, is one of our neighbors children, Karlyn. When she was a baby, she had SUPER long, skinny legs and was wrinkly white like some babies are when they are born. She looked just like a chicken in the store. Chris proclaimed, “Oh, she’s my little CHICKEN!” Karlyn is almost a teenager and to this day everyone, even her parents, call her Chicken.
Two other children who lived across the street from us are Auburn and Caleb. Auburn is also one of the kids who escaped getting a nickname except for the totally appropriate, ‘Aubbie’.
Caleb was given the nickname ‘Big’ by his parents because he was HUGE when he was born. What boy wouldn’t just love that nickname. He has mostly outgrown it, pun intended, and most people now call him by his given name, but not us. He will forever be ‘BIG’ to our family.
In a beautiful piece of irony, Chris even nicknamed herself. She was telling a story about how whenever kids in the neighborhood were in trouble, they got sent to Chris to get spanked, “I am the Neighborhood Spanker!”, she said laughing. I have just shortened it to ‘Spanker’.
The Doppelgänger
A family story from Isabella, AKA Suckass, about Christina.
Mom has always been a person who doesn’t fit in with a crowd. Whether it’s her personality or the way she looks.
Mom has always stood out in Boulder. She’s either laughing, cursing at me for teasing her, or she’s chasing The Boy. Unlike everyone else who has somewhere to be and something to do.
Mom is on the short and curvy side. She’s not fat, far from it actually. Recently she’s all muscle. But living in a city where everyone looks like a muscular street pole, it’s like she’s holding up a neon sign saying ‘I’m not a crazy triathlete who spends 8 hours a day biking up the Rocky’s’.
So when I see a woman dressed the exact same a my mom with the same curves, same hair color and hairstyle, and is the same height as her I naturally assumed that it was her. Since everyone else in the Safeway was 6’5 and pure muscle.
The woman was looking at all of the different kinds of yogurt in the milk section. So, me being me I go up to her all stealthily with my arms armed and ready to tase her with all I had.
Then I hear “Bella!”
I turned around so fast to see my mom standing there laughing. I looked at the woman and then mom and then back at woman again seeing the differences between the two.
By then mom was laughing so hard she was doubled over and her face was as red as a cherry.
I grabbed our cart and basically ran the opposite direction of mom and the stranger. Mom eventually caught up to me saying, “I should have let you jump scare that poor woman just to see the look on your face when she turned around!”
She still holds that moment over me to this day saying that she wishes with all her heart that she should have let me scare her. I think it’s one of her favorite stories about me making a fool of myself.
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