{"id":592,"date":"2018-11-23T18:11:30","date_gmt":"2018-11-23T18:11:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/?p=592"},"modified":"2018-12-19T00:19:58","modified_gmt":"2018-12-19T00:19:58","slug":"the-rant-on-being-blessed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/2018\/11\/23\/the-rant-on-being-blessed\/","title":{"rendered":"The Rant on ‘Being Blessed’"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are some parents of autistic kids who wax poetically about how blessed they are to have a child on the spectrum. \u00a0As if it is just the greatest thing. <\/span><\/p>\n

Let me be clear in my opinion, that\u2019s fucking bullshit. \u00a0It is hard. \u00a0Every day is hard. \u00a0Every day is worry. \u00a0Every day I worry about how The Boy is going to fit in and if he will ever have a \u2018normal\u2019 life. \u00a0Are we doing everything we can for him? \u00a0 \u00a0Will he ever have a girlfriend? \u00a0Will he be able to live on his own, have a job and have real friendships? \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

This is kind of like saying you would rather have a child born blind than a child who is born sighted. \u00a0Are you fucking crazy? \u00a0Are you still blessed to have a child, regardless of whether they can see? \u00a0Absolutely! \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Autism should not take away from the joy of be a parent for that beautiful child. \u00a0But I just cannot buy into the woo-woo bullshit of some people who are saying they are happy they have a neurodiverse child, as if that one defining characteristic is what makes them special. \u00a0Except not a single one of them uses the word \u2018happy\u2019. \u00a0It is always the word \u2018blessed\u2019. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

The Boy Wonder happens to have autism. \u00a0He is NOT autistic, he has autism. \u00a0If you don\u2019t understand the difference, think long and hard about it. \u00a0Autism is not the only thing he is but when you have children with autism, we make it the single focus of that child\u2019s life. \u00a0WE PARENTS DO, not them. \u00a0This subconsciously shapes our beliefs about who they are and what they can do. <\/span><\/p>\n

About a year ago a friend from Nevada, Melissa, came to visit us. \u00a0She is the one who used to work with me. \u00a0He wanted something from her, I think it was a banana or some other food. \u00a0She was holding it and said, \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

I said, \u201cHe isn\u2019t speaking in sentences yet, Mel\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t even acknowledge me, just stood there and repeated it, \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

To which he blurted out, \u201cI want banana.\u201d \u00a0With a big grin on his face. \u00a0Cheers all around. <\/span><\/p>\n

My beliefs around what he is capable of doing were limiting him. \u00a0I had begun thinking of him as \u2018my autistic son\u2019, not \u2018my son who happens to have autism\u2019. \u00a0As I thought about this later I realized I had even begun introducing him as, \u2018my autistic son\u2019. \u00a0This is the tiniest little thing but makes a monumentally huge difference in the way we treat our children. \u00a0As we begin to singularly define them with this one trait of Autism everything else about them begins to pale. <\/span><\/p>\n

This is a little bit like some people who get cancer and cancer becomes their defining trait in their life. \u201cHi I am Joan, a cancer survivor\u201d was literally how someone introduced themselves to me, just the other day. \u00a0Sure, that is part of her story and an important one but that is not all she is. \u00a0Yet, some people find incredible significance by identifying themselves that way and I know she did because every conversation turned back to her cancer in some way. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

I am the parent of a little boy. \u00a0Who happens to have autism. \u00a0But that is not his only characteristic, just one of many. \u00a0These \u2018blessed\u2019 parents might simply be propping themselves up and using their child\u2019s autism as a way to get attention, just like Joan, the cancer survivor. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

More likely, they have now so closely identified with their child\u2019s autism that being \u2018blessed\u2019 is the only avenue they can take because they don\u2019t know how else to look at the situation. \u00a0This vocabulary is a clear indication of the limiting mindset they have that will forever negatively impact their child. \u00a0And THAT is fucking bullshit. \u00a0Because you are standing the way of your child. <\/span><\/p>\n

Being the parent of someone on the spectrum makes you look at life differently. \u00a0I have to see it through The Boy\u2019s eyes and what would be great for him. \u00a0I have to say, I get some crazy cool insights this way and have had true epiphanies. \u00a0I am grateful for these moments as well as other moments like when they look right at you and smile. \u00a0Because those moments are rare with The Boy, I also cherish that same moment with Isabella. <\/span><\/p>\n

In those moments do I feel blessed? \u00a0Absolutely. <\/span><\/p>\n

Am I \u2018blessed\u2019 because of Autism? \u00a0No, I am blessed to have two incredible children.\u2019 <\/span><\/p>\n

Like being the family’s IT tech support guy, this is not something I would have chosen. \u00a0I would much rather have grown personally in another way instead of being forced by autism. <\/span><\/p>\n

Good for you if you are happy your child is autistic. \u00a0I don\u2019t love The Boy any less because he has autism and I don\u2019t love any more because of it. \u00a0But given a choice? \u00a0Yeah, fuck autism. <\/span><\/p>\n

Rant over. \u00a0You won\u2019t read anything else about it in the entire book. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you are offended, just close the book and be on your merry way<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are some parents of autistic kids who wax poetically about how blessed they are to have a child on the spectrum. \u00a0As if it is just the greatest thing. Let me be clear in my opinion, that\u2019s fucking bullshit. \u00a0It is hard. \u00a0Every day is hard. \u00a0Every day is worry. \u00a0Every day I worry […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":738,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-autism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=592"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":735,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592\/revisions\/735"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=592"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=592"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=592"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}