{"id":594,"date":"2018-11-23T18:11:57","date_gmt":"2018-11-23T18:11:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/?p=594"},"modified":"2018-12-19T17:21:01","modified_gmt":"2018-12-19T17:21:01","slug":"the-boy-goes-into-hiding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/2018\/11\/23\/the-boy-goes-into-hiding\/","title":{"rendered":"The Boy Goes into Hiding"},"content":{"rendered":"

It began with a soccer ball.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

We had spent 10 years talking about where to make our home. \u00a0From September 2003 to September 2013 we visited many cities with \u2018high potential\u2019 to become our home, the place where we put down roots and decided to live long-term. <\/span><\/p>\n

I had never lived in a place that I felt was home. \u00a0While we LOVED our neighborhood in Northern Nevada and had some wonderful friends, the town itself did not fit us well. \u00a0Even my daughter who had only known this home and town wanted to leave. \u00a0I talk more about this in The Naming of The Boy Wonder, if you are interested. <\/span><\/p>\n

I returned from a business trip one day. \u00a0I got off at exit 46, West Fernley, and was driving through the little town. \u00a0I turned right at one of the two stoplights in the town and within a couple of hundred yards there is a park, called the \u2018In-town Park\u2019. \u00a0In amazing creative fashion, the only other park in town is the \u2018Out-of-town Park\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n

There was a huge crowd in the parking lot and included some friends of mine so I pulled over to see what was going on. \u00a0It was Saturday and these were all people from a new church called \u2018Journey\u2019. \u00a0It was non-denominational and a come-as-you-are kind of church. \u00a0As such, it had become the largest church in town in only three years, mostly of all people who had moved to town recently. <\/span><\/p>\n

The church puts on a free \u2018movie in the park\u2019 night every Saturday with their blowup screen. \u00a0Everyone had come down to pick up the litter in the park and clean it up before the movie. \u00a0But that is not what the crowd was about. They were all in the parking lot because they were being ticketed by a city official for not having a group permit to enter the park. \u00a0Seriously. \u00a0That was the extent to which the old town \u2018blood\u2019 did not like \u2018all those damn Californians\u2019 coming into town. \u00a0God forbid someone cleans up the park for everyone to enjoy. <\/span><\/p>\n

That is the definitive day I decided we needed to move. \u00a0The last straw, the line in the sand – pick your cliche but I came home and immediately told Christina we were moving. \u00a0I told her the story and she agreed, it is time to move on. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We had already stayed four years after we had first decided to move and even though the timing was not good for us in many ways, we had to move forward, take the next step, leave our dear friends and neighborhood we had grown to love. <\/span><\/p>\n

I travel a bit for work and whenever I had work in a city that sounded interesting, we would all go and spend some time there and hang out for a week or so. \u00a0Austin, Encinitas, Bend, Ventura, Boulder were are places we visited and really liked a lot. <\/span><\/p>\n

In April of 2013 we took a 6 week road trip to some of the places that we had liked over the last 10 years. \u00a0We waffled, mountains versus ocean, sailing versus hiking, the beach versus isolation, and all of the places had a lot to offer. \u00a0It was our last day of travel and as we were leaving Bishop California, we had four hours before we got home. \u00a0I insisted we have a decision made before we got home or another 4 years would go by! <\/span><\/p>\n

About two hours into the drive, we settled on Boulder Colorado. \u00a0We decided up on moving at the beginning of September which would give Bella a last summer with her friends and a couple of weeks before school started in Boulder. \u00a0That give us four months to find a house in Boulder, get our home in Fernley ready to rent, pack up everything from a house we had lived in for 10 years, close down my office, close down my warehouse and keep up my regular work schedule. \u00a0Needless to say, we were busy. <\/span><\/p>\n

The plan was to load up the largest truck we could and tow our car behind it. \u00a0Our other car was graciously driven to Colorado weeks earlier, loaded with as much as we could get in it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, I was absolutely ridiculous in my ability to pack that truck with all of our stuff. \u00a0Or, perhaps we had just waaaaay more than I really thought. \u00a0It is funny how a three car garage gets filled up with stuff. \u00a0We tried to get rid of as much as possible as we were moving to a home with a one car garage. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, in the end, the solution was to rent another truck and Christina would have to drive it. <\/span><\/p>\n

The only problem was that Chris had gotten increasingly sick over the summer to the point where she could barely drive to her parents only four hours away. \u00a0Now she was having to drive two 8-hour days back to back. \u00a0She insisted she could do it and she did, but just barely. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Renting made the most sense for us. \u00a0We didn\u2019t know Boulder very well and there are lots of great little neighborhoods. \u00a0Plus, I wanted to be 100% sure Boulder was our home. \u00a0Visiting for a little while is one thing but living in a place is altogether different. <\/span><\/p>\n

We were crazy busy that summer and it turns out that renting in Boulder is incredibly difficult and near impossible from a distance. \u00a0I turned to The Boy\u2019s Godfather, who lived in Boulder, to help us both soothe landowner\u2019s and also look at the homes to make sure they would work for our family. \u00a0It was hard work for him and looked at many places for us. \u00a0We finally found a place and he said it would work for us in a bit of a lukewarm manner. <\/span><\/p>\n

I pulled up and the house looked great. \u00a0It was very simple but had a huge Colorado spruce in front and was in a nice little neighborhood. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then I walked inside. <\/span><\/p>\n

I was only in the place for 5 minutes when I knew we were going to be moving out as soon as our year lease was up. \u00a0I could not tell you what the problem was. \u00a0It was quite pretty inside. \u00a0New kitchen and very nice appliances, even though it was much smaller than our previous one. \u00a0The owner had left a bottle of wine and a nice note on the counter. <\/span><\/p>\n

The living room was long and had dark wood beams. \u00a0It was very nice. \u00a0There was a long hallway from the living room to the three bedrooms. <\/span><\/p>\n

That was what I saw when I walked in. \u00a0I have no idea why I disliked it so much and I had not even looked at the basement yet, which doubled the size of the house. \u00a0But I knew there was just something wrong with it and I am not naturally intuitive to energy like that. <\/span><\/p>\n

I had arrived about two hours before my wife Chris did and had hired some movers so we could unload quickly. \u00a0About 10 minutes after I opened the moving truck doors, it began raining. \u00a0The movers were able to unload and put everything in it\u2019s place before Chris arrived. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

She was absolutely exhausted by the time she arrived but we got it all moved in very quickly so she didn\u2019t have to do anything. <\/span><\/p>\n

Only a few minutes after going inside, she said, \u201cThis isn\u2019t going to work. \u00a0This house sucks.\u201d \u00a0Basically the same response I had but much stronger and more vivid. <\/span><\/p>\n

Remember I said it started raining right after I got there? \u00a0Well, it didn\u2019t stop for 8 days. \u00a0Boulder had the \u2018Flood of the Century\u2019. \u00a0The main street nearest our house became an uncrossable river. \u00a0Our house, while it didn\u2019t have water coming in from the outside, did have water seeping up from underneath. \u00a0The entire basement had to be dried out, drywall removed and treated for mold. \u00a0It took several months for everything to be fixed and were unable to use the basement at all. \u00a0We had moved from a 2,000 square foot home with a 3-car garage to a 1,200 square foot house with a single car garage. <\/span><\/p>\n

There was still a ton of unpacking but now we had to be extremely selective about what should stay in a box and what should be brought out. \u00a0Chris had to spend hours going through boxes because we had not packed thinking we would not be able to unpack everything. \u00a0It was exhausting work and she never really did recover from the move. \u00a0Her pain and fatigue were at all time highs. <\/span><\/p>\n

Isabella\u2019s school was not far, about a third of a mile each way, but you had to cross a major street to get to it – the street that was a river just a few weeks prior during the flood. \u00a0We were not prepared for a 10 year old to cross the street. \u00a0So, I walked her to school every morning and pick her up every night. \u00a0It was fun and a few minutes each day I got to spend with her and we would talk about the important issues in her life. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

A few weeks after Isabella started school, one day Chris wanted to walk her home from school. \u00a0She had recovered a little from the move and I thought it was a great idea. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t. \u00a0She was barely able to get out of bed for three days her body was in so much pain and she was so exhausted. \u00a0It is crazy to think about looking back, but that is how sick she was. \u00a0None of her friends and family ever knew just how bad it was. <\/span><\/p>\n

Chris recovered from the move slowly and she was pissed off and frustrated most of the time. \u00a0I would be too. \u00a0She was incredibly active a few years prior and had been in a steady decline over the last three years. \u00a0The only time she felt good, and she actually felt great, was when she was pregnant. \u00a0To go from feeling great to a year later being in bed for three days after walking 2\/3rds of a mile was just too much. \u00a0There were no answers for her from doctors either. \u00a0It was a big mystery. <\/span><\/p>\n

We were able to fly back to Christina\u2019s parents for Thanksgiving, which was a bright spot. \u00a0Her Italian side gets together for a 6 hour feast. \u00a0Her Zia Nella (Aunt Nella) puts on a massive spread. \u00a0You could stuff yourself just on the appetizers. \u00a0Or just the pasta. Or just the unreal desserts. \u00a0I am leaving out ALL the other thanksgiving food. \u00a0Trying to stuff it all into your gullet is a monumental feat but I did my best. \u00a0You just have to want it! \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Having Chris’ family together in one place is hysterical. \u00a0There is LOTS of talking but not much listening. \u00a0Lots of laughing but not many good jokes. \u00a0For someone who is a bit of an introvert, these family dinners were intimidating in the beginning. \u00a0But after a few I came to enjoy seeing everyone and watching them all interact. \u00a0All of their non-listening and laughing came from a place of family love and that is something we never really had during Thanksgiving at my house. <\/span><\/p>\n

Thanksgiving at my house was nice but toned down about 99% from Christina\u2019s. \u00a0Some laughing but never any yelling. \u00a0I don\u2019t mean angry. \u00a0I mean volume. \u00a0Chris\u2019 family is not angry but the volume is at an 11 out of 10 100% of the time. <\/span><\/p>\n

Chris came to Thanksgiving early on when we were dating. \u00a0She left the table at one point to go use the restroom. \u00a0She didn\u2019t come back so I went to go look for her. \u00a0I stood outside the bathroom and could hear her crying and talking to someone, \u201cMom, they have all this weird food\u2026 No, I am serious mom, there is some kind of green thing on the table (pistachio pudding) and some kind of orange thing with mushrooms on top (candied yams) and mom, some – she REALLY starts crying here – the string beans came out of a CAN!\u2026 \u00a0I know, I know\u2026 \u00a0but mom, they don\u2019t even have any pasta. \u00a0What am I supposed to eat?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I felt terrible. \u00a0More because I was laughing my ass off at how she was describing everything. \u00a0I should have had more empathy but it was hysterical. \u00a0Stop judging. \u00a0I was concerned too alright. \u00a0I just had to compose myself before I went in because if she knew I was just laughing at her I would likely be seeing a taxi at my door taking her to the airport. \u00a0We were able to smooth it out and it all turned out okay but my family Thanksgiving traditions were almost a polar opposite of hers. <\/span><\/p>\n

During the Thanksgiving trip to her family that year, I was able to get some downtime and take a 50,000 foot view of my company instead of just the work right in front of me. <\/span><\/p>\n

It was at that point I realized something was seriously wrong. \u00a0I looked forward to the first quarter of 2014 and saw there was zero work lined up. \u00a0As in, no revenue for the company. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Remember when I said I closed the office, shut down the warehouse, etc? \u00a0Well, my right-hand person and one of our dear friends from Fernley, Melissa, went on maternity leave. \u00a0She handled all the calls and emails and handed them off to whomever should follow up. \u00a0I was still getting a few direct calls and referrals from clients and have been SUPER busy with work up to that point. \u00a0So nothing in my world had changed. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

But everything in my world had changed. \u00a0It was no one\u2019s fault although ultimately my responsibility. \u00a0Most of our new business comes from the internet. \u00a0People find us and contact us. \u00a0We have zero outbound sales as no one wants what we have to sell until they want it. \u00a0When they want it, we get their business at least 80% of the time. \u00a0It had worked well enough or 10 years but definitely created too many peaks and valleys. <\/span><\/p>\n

Well, a developer redesigned our website and accidentally got us eliminated from Google where we had lots of top 10 rankings. \u00a0That happened in late August, right before we moved. \u00a0I found the problem in late November. \u00a0Two months and the damage was done. \u00a0We would never get our rankings back on Google again. <\/span><\/p>\n

What that also meant is that we lost 90% of our revenue year over year from 2013 to 2014, most of that at the end of 2014. \u00a0Rent on the house in Boulder was 4 times more than our house payment in Fernley. \u00a0Chris was horribly sick with no answers. \u00a0The move to Boulder was ridiculously expensive as well as preparing the house in Fernley for rent. \u00a0We were in trouble. <\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t realize it but it was going to get much, much worse. <\/span><\/p>\n

As I said, it all started with a soccer ball. <\/span><\/p>\n

There was nothing special about the hallway to the bedrooms but it was one of the bright spots in the house. \u00a0 Right after learning to walk The Boy started dribbling a soccer ball. \u00a0I have never seen or heard of anything like it. My little boy was a prodigy, a soccer hero! \u00a0He could actually keep it under control while kicking it back and forth between his feet while he walked. \u00a0The hallway was helpful because it helped not let the ball get too far away. \u00a0Also, we would run up and down the hallway together and kick the ball back and forth. \u00a0With that hallway, even a bad kick would get down the hall. \u00a0Nothing but positive self esteem for my little soccer prodigy. <\/span><\/p>\n

One day I grabbed the soccer ball and said, \u201cLet\u2019s play!\u201d \u00a0He ran down the hallway and I kicked the soccer ball to him. \u00a0When the ball go to him, he didn\u2019t kick it. \u00a0He gave it a puzzling look, reached down, picked it up and threw it back to me. <\/span><\/p>\n

With that one seemingly insignificant act, our world changed forever. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

We quickly noticed other signs as well. \u00a0All eye contact stopped. All of the words he had picked up – \u2018Bella\u2019 for his sister – disappeared. \u00a0Just recently, I found the video of him first walking. \u00a0He had a huge goose egg from where he had fell and hit the leg of the chair. \u00a0But he was laughing and looking right at us, twinkles in both eyes and all other signs of a typical child. \u00a0There was no reason to expect what might happen in just a few short weeks with that soccer ball. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s cliche, I know, but it was like a light switch had been flipped. One day – normal happy little boy and the next day he was a very different child. <\/span><\/p>\n

We tried not to panic. \u00a0Of course, as the man and husband, I tried to remain calm while silently worrying to death. \u00a0I wasn\u2019t calm but I also knew there was nothing we could directly do at the moment except wait to see if he snapped out of it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Within weeks, we had lost him. \u00a0He had turned inside himself and nothing we could do would get home to come out. \u00a0He wouldn\u2019t make any eye contact, he started self harming, he was filled with rage at times and nearly all affection stopped. <\/span><\/p>\n

My wife and I have some skill with children. \u00a0We had both worked in a Psychiatric hospital for children as mental health counselors. \u00a0We had both worked at summer camps for years. \u00a0But babies and toddlers were not our specialty. \u00a0We had experience only with our daughter who grew up as you would expect. <\/span><\/p>\n

We had left our entire support network of friends and family was nowhere nearby to help either. \u00a0It was just us and we didn\u2019t know what to do\u2026 \u00a0Nor did we have any money. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

We had gone from a successful business, manageable health issues with Chris with really only first world problems and a lovely family and friends to finances reduced to nothing, Chris extremely ill and a little baby who needed us yet lacked parents who knew what to do. \u00a0Isabella got to watch all of this shit-show as ten year old. <\/span><\/p>\n

It was rock bottom for us as a family. \u00a0As I look backward, I even wonder how we made it through. \u00a0There was support at just the right time and just enough hope to keep us putting one foot in front of the other. \u00a0Sometimes that\u2019s enough, I guess. <\/span><\/p>\n

He wouldn\u2019t kick a soccer ball again for three years. <\/span><\/p>\n

By the way, after we moved out of that first house and into our current house, we had a party and invited all of our old neighbors. \u00a0Come to find out, the first house we lived in was actually the home of some kind of religious cult. \u00a0They ran certain \u2018educational ceremonies\u2019 in the basement and had to be evicted. \u00a0The neighbors all decided not to tell us while we were living there. \u00a0Yep, true story. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It began with a soccer ball.\u00a0 We had spent 10 years talking about where to make our home. \u00a0From September 2003 to September 2013 we visited many cities with \u2018high potential\u2019 to become our home, the place where we put down roots and decided to live long-term. I had never lived in a place that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":721,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,70],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-594","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-autism","category-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/594","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=594"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/594\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":831,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/594\/revisions\/831"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/721"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=594"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=594"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=594"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}