{"id":879,"date":"2018-03-21T18:44:41","date_gmt":"2018-03-21T18:44:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/?p=879"},"modified":"2018-12-21T19:25:19","modified_gmt":"2018-12-21T19:25:19","slug":"the-escape-artist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/21\/the-escape-artist\/","title":{"rendered":"The Escape Artist"},"content":{"rendered":"

The last time I found him after an escape, he was standing at a busy intersection in only a yellow polo shirt, playing with his penis and watching the cars go by. <\/span><\/p>\n

This capped a stunning two weeks when he was able to get out of the house and yard over four times without us knowing. \u00a0Two of those times he was brought back to the house by do-gooders who saw him standing at the intersection watching traffic. \u00a0Luckily he was dressed both times. \u00a0Of course, he did not answer when these wonderful people when they tried to speak with him, just kept watching traffic. \u00a0So, both times they brought him to the house as it is the only home nearby. <\/span><\/p>\n

Let me try to describe our house.\"\" <\/span><\/p>\n

It is strangely private even though we live right next to a very busy T intersection. \u00a0Our driveway is just to the left on the top of the \u2019T\u2019 so if you drive straight into the intersection from the long part of the \u2019T\u2019, you pull right into our driveway. <\/span><\/p>\n

To the right of our driveway is a creek. \u00a0You would think that would be a bigger draw for a little boy but it doesn\u2019t compare to traffic. \u00a0 <\/span>I have been considering showing him the creek and getting him to play in it, but I am concerned he would escape even more!<\/span><\/p>\n

To the right of the creek is a 6 foot wide bike path with a short railroad tie wall on the right side.\u00a0 <\/span>On the other side of the wall is the back yards for a street of homes. <\/span><\/p>\n

We have a large yard on the left of our house, which is fenced in completely and to the left of the fence is a parking lot for a building that has been empty for years. <\/span><\/p>\n

In other words, our house, except for the busy street at the front, is very secluded. <\/span><\/p>\n

Traffic at this intersection also includes lots of pedestrians and bicycles. \u00a0There is a LOT to look at and certainly a draw for a little boy who is tired of his yard. <\/span><\/p>\n

One time I was in the yard with him mowing the lawn when he escaped. \u00a0The person who brought him back from the street had to wave me down to return him. \u00a0He was at the street, of course, just watching the traffic. \u00a0I have no idea how he got out but it can happen in an instant. <\/span><\/p>\n

The inside of the house is just as problematic.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

There are basically two homes built right next to one another and roughly connected. \u00a0The original home was built in 1894 and the new addition was built in the 60\u2019s. The new section of the home doesn\u2019t even come close to matching the old part and it looks like someone just decided to put up some walls next to the old section. <\/span><\/p>\n

The best part is that each part of the home is almost all original. \u00a0The old part of the home still has the original wood floors, for example. \u00a0I am pretty sure the original doors and even some of the windows upstairs are original. \u00a0They are bubbly and wavy which makes everything look really cool when you look through them. \u00a0There are some holes in the ceiling where \u2018water grenades\u2019 would go, which were the original type of fire extinguisher. \u00a0There were still a bunch in the attic when we moved in, just hanging there. <\/span><\/p>\n

The old part is completely square and made of local stone. \u00a0The walls are almost two feet thick which means we could withstand any hurricane or tornado that may ever come our way. \u00a0We don\u2019t get either of those, but it is nice to know the original part of the home could withstand the zombie apocalypse. <\/span><\/p>\n

The inside of the old part of the home is filled with beautiful crown moulding, transoms above the doors and other very cool features like the bannister on the stairs to the second floor. \u00a0Unfortunately, some years ago, everything was painted bright white. \u00a0Then painted again. \u00a0And again. \u00a0So all the original detail and beauty is covered up. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Because of the constructions, sound does not travel well which is pretty awesome. \u00a0For an old house it is really quiet which is both surprising and pretty great. \u00a0Except it\u2019s not. \u00a0When you yell for someone, no one can hear you. \u00a0It hardly matters with The Boy because he doesn\u2019t answer you even when he can hear you. \u00a0But when you need help because you cannot find him, it would be nice if someone could hear you to help out. \u00a0So, instead you get a lot of exercise running up and down the stairs trying to find him and trying to get help. <\/span><\/p>\n

The new part of the house has a staircase too. \u00a0So two staircases which is pretty cool. \u00a0But it makes it really hard to find The Boy. \u00a0He uses both equally so while you might be going up, he may be going down or vice versa. \u00a0Like I said, exercise. <\/span><\/p>\n

There is an eight foot fence around the entire yard that creates an amazingly secluded yard. \u00a0You would think this would keep in a little boy but that just isn\u2019t the case. \u00a0He is devilishly clever and, if he wants something, he gets it. \u00a0Like getting out of the yard.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Becoming a detective was never anything I was interested in but that is what I have become. \u00a0Just trying to figure out how The Boy is getting out of the yard. \u00a0In some cases, I would hide and stake out certain areas to watch and see how he was escaping. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Frank Morris, the man who escaped from Alcatraz, could have learned some tricks from The Boy. \u00a0I found several places that I thought were 100% secure just by setting The Boy up. \u00a0For example, I would leave through the front door and make him stay in side. \u00a0The Boy is about adventure. \u00a0If you are going somewhere, he wants to go too. \u00a0I would then hide and watch as he ran through the house, through the doggie door and then attempt the escape. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, I could only get this to work from time to time. \u00a0Some times he would get distracted by a dinosaur toy that he left on the ground and would forget all about adventuring with dad. \u00a0Other times, he would catch me watching and start laughing as he thought we were playing hide and seek. \u00a0That pretty much ruined my attempts for a few days as he would remember the game and catch me in my hiding spot. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One night my wife and I heard him crying. \u00a0We both called out to him to come upstairs but he just kept crying. \u00a0You get to know the cries of your child. \u00a0Even when mixed in with other crying children, my wife could pick out his cry. \u00a0Amazing ability that I attribute to having boobs. \u00a0Boobs KNOW when the baby is crying when children are babies and somehow that slightly distinct sound that is different from every other child becomes and instant signal for moms. \u00a0That is a man\u2019s crude interpretation of how moms have this miracle ear and I am sure I am right.<\/p>\n

Even I could tell the cries were not the normal cries so I hustled downstairs to see what was wrong. \u00a0He was crying because he was on the OUTSIDE of the fence and could not get back in. \u00a0I am not sure when he got out but it scared the crap out of me that he could have disappeared for a while without us noticing. <\/span><\/p>\n

I know this sounds like we are terrible parents and maybe we are, but please don\u2019t judge too harshly. \u00a0It is impossible to keep track of him even 75% of the time. \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

The wonderful unintended consequence of him getting locked out of the fence is that he really did not like it at all. \u00a0So, he has stopped trying to escape, for the most part. <\/span><\/p>\n

I am simply hoping to keep him safe and have two workable strategies at the moment: \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The first is that he no longer wants out as much because of being locked outside the fence and<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Two, that he continues loving his penis so much that if he does escape, he will get distracted by playing with it long enough for someone to catch him before he runs into traffic. \u00a0Totally workable, I think. I am open to ideas.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The last time I found him after an escape, he was standing at a busy intersection in only a yellow polo shirt, playing with his penis and watching the cars go by. This capped a stunning two weeks when he was able to get out of the house and yard over four times without us […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":886,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[70],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-879","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=879"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":887,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions\/887"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeonautismlane.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}